Customer Service Simplified

Have you ever lost a bet and had to buy lunch for a coworker ?

Me too. Lotsa times.

I sometimes use it as a means of creating a bond between those who are in a support position for me.

They don’t get as many perks as I do, so I lose bets to them every now and then and buy them a lunch or some donuts or whatever.

They love to get into my wallet and I love making ‘em feel like they got something over on me.

They like me more than any of the other sales people in our organization and that works in my favor.

It’s kinda like an organized bribe on my part and they never seem to notice that I lose almost every bet.

I lost another one last week to a young man whose butt I ride all the time, trying to get him to catch on to more things and trying to get him to be a bit better. When it starts to get to him, I lose a bet and he feels better.

I went to pick up our lunches and the hostess was, how shall we put this …. stupid ? An idiot ? Worthless ?

Yeah, those will do … for a start.

I asked her if I could pick up a couple of sandwiches to go and she said she would try to find someone to take my order, but ” … they all are real good at hiding out in their places and I have trouble finding them, but when I hide, they find me. “

At this point, I wasn’t real sure who “they” were, but I was hoping it wasn’t the people from I Am Legend or the things in The Mist.

About 15 minutes into my ordeal, which I won’t document here ( I’m saving it for a podcast ), a mother and son came in. The boy looked to be 14 to 16.

The hostess with the leastess says to the young man, ” Why ain’t you in school ? “

Not Hi, not welcome to XXX ( name withheld to protect my bank account ), not anything that you’d expect from a hostess.

The young man said, ” I’m homeschooled. ”

So The Brain says, ” Oh, that means you get to play hooky and eat lunch. “

I myself went to a public school and ate lunch every day, so I don’t know where she went or if she actually went.

So here’s the questions I have:

Will that mother and son ever eat there again ?

Will the management ever find out that she’s a complete and finely tuned utter fool ?

Can she and will she affect the repeat business ?

Would you let it bother you and would you go back if you were that mother and son ?

Humans need to connect to one other human to feel comfortable enough to spend money.

The flu is a terrible thang. Today, after 14 days in the house, I got out and visited the world.

I went to see my doctor, because I have a cough that won’t go away and a few other lingering symptoms.

The receptionist had me fill out the usual 3-4 sheets of paper, but as I handed them back to her, she mentioned that I owed $77.12. I told her that I always pay my bill as soon as the insurance company does their part and they, at the doctors office, send me the final bill.

She mentioned that they had gone thru a period where “their billing wasn’t done properly” and I may have never received a bill. Yet, they may have referred my account to a medical collection agency, even though I have years of visual proof in their files of paying as soon as the invoice is received.

Where was the one person who could call and ask if I knew I owed them for a visit ?

Where was the one person who could have called me, before they send my account out to a medical collection agency for a measly $77.12 ?

Where was the one person who could say, we had a problem, let’s not cause any for the people who pay our salaries ?

For that office, that one person didn’t exist, so now I have ill feelings in more ways than one.

After seeing the doctor, I head out to get my prescriptions filled. They informed me that they had faxed my prescriptions to one of our local Wal-Mart Pharmacies, because they’re the cheapest in town.

If they’d asked, I’d had told them I abhor cheap drugs.

I drove the 10 minutes to the Wal-Mart Pharmacy and the young lady told me she had personally just taken my prescriptions out of the fax machine and they’d get right on them.

I was the only human on my side of the counter.

65 minutes later, I finally got my prescriptions.

What took so long ?

There wasn’t that one person around who could put my prescription in front of all the ones that were called in, faxed in or electronically transmitted to them.

Sure, all of those needed to be filled, but 95% to 99%, according to the technician, wouldn’t be picked up for several days. “But we have to fill them in the order we receive them“, even though I’m standing there and the other people may not come in for several days.

If they had that one person, I would not have taken a sworn oath to never let a prescription of mine ever be filled at a Wal-Mart Pharmacy ever again.

I left, feeling bad and now starting to get angry at the world for not having that one person I needed. There’s a strip-mall across the street with a Quizno’s that I’d been wanting to try. Soup and salad or 1/2 a sandwich sounded so good, especially after a frustrating morning.

It was 10:56 on the clock in the dashboard of my Camry and I was the only car parked in front of Quizno’s. I could envision the personal service I was gonna get, since I’m the first one there.

I walked up and got slapped again, because they didn’t have that one person who could unlock the door, even though their OPEN sign was lit.

I walked back across the parking lot and as I started my car, a young woman unlocked the door and waved. I waved back, but I was waving goodbye and so were my dollars.

Not having that one person who can unlock the door cost them an untold number of lunches, because I’ll never give them another chance.

I drove 10 whole minutes to the only place in town that could give me one person to fill my order and my soul.

Panera Bread had someone waiting for me. He took my order, offered me a cookie and/or a USA Today, which I took and then he personally filled my drink order, iced green tea, before he took another order.

I love the fact that they filled my order before they took another 1,2 or 5 orders, like some of the fast food places do.

That $10.21 was the best part of my day, until I made it home.

Thanks, Panera Bread, for taking my money, giving me what I paid for and doing it all with that one person I was looking for all day.

Take this with you when you leave:

Walk into your business, call yourself on the phone and answer this question - Do we have that one person who can make the day of whoever comes into our life ?

Do we have that one person who will do whatever it takes to start and finish the job ?

If not, I can tell you where you won’t find them, but I’ll struggle telling you where to find ‘em.

If you know how to convert employees into that one person, use the Contact page and let’s talk about it.

While I spend some quality time relaxing on the tile floor in my master bathroom, curled in a fetal position, being visited by this years demon spawn of a flu virus, my friend Debbi Bressler has graciously volunteered a nice customer service story. Thanks Debbi !

Not unlike the police officer who is frustrated by the judge who lets criminals run free, is the salesperson who sees their effort thwarted by incompetent customer service personnel and policies.

With the cost of acquiring a new customer in the $200-500 range, it is incumbent on all of us to be sure that the new customer has as flawless and positive an experience as possible. To do otherwise cuts income from the sales staff and company’s bottom line.

Alas…some companies have a harder time realizing this than others. And some…well… they never “get” it!

Case in point is my experience yesterday with Bright House Networks, a local cable and broadband provider in Orlando, Florida. Over the past few days, I’d received a number of calls on my Grand Central account from Bright House to Joshua. Seems that he was a new customer who didn’t know his phone number and used mine instead.

First Bright House called to thank him for his business. Then they called to confirm an installation appointment. Then they called to inform him that the technician was at his door – but he wasn’t.

For those of you unfamiliar with Grand Central, it’s a one number service. This means that when someone calls my number, it calls all the contact numbers I have listed, as well as leaving a voice mail which I can access online. If I’m in my office when Grand Central beckons, a veritable symphony erupts.

I’d finally had enough and decided to call Bright House to let them know that Joshua was unlikely to ever get their messages and to please quit calling me.

Me: Someone named Joshua keeps getting phone calls on my business number. Can you please make a note and take my number off because I don’t know this guy and he will never get the message ?

CS: What is the number ?

Me: 407-000-0000

CS: You are correct. This account does not belong to you. Well, since this is not your account there is nothing we can do. Our system will have to keep calling this number until the person whose name is on the account calls in and changes it.

Me: Excuse me ?

CS: Yea, sorry, there is nothing we can do ’cause you have no authority even though it’s your phone number.

Me: So whom should I send the bill to for my time and cell phone minutes ?

CS: Umm … can I put you on hold for UP TO FIVE MINUTES while I talk to a supervisor ?

And off he goes…..only to return five minutes later to say:

CS: Umm … I am still talking to my supervisor. Can I put you on hold again for up to five minutes ?

The rep finally came back – after I was on hold a total of about 12 minutes – to say “ I’ve put a notation on his account and when he calls in we will ask him for a correct phone number. ”

To which I replied: “ Five years ago when I moved to Orlando, I used your broadband service. At that time your customer service was the worst I’d ever experienced. In fact, a supervisor offered me free service for a few months and I turned it down. Thanks for reminding me that I made a really good decision back then. ”

Imagine how much money Bright House Networks spends to acquire new customers. And think how much money they have lost because incompetent personnel and policies have allowed those customers to slip through their fingers – never to return.

Remember…the sales process doesn’t end with the handshake.

” Hi guy’s ! Are you good tippers ? “

That’s how my lunch partner and I were greeted by a host at the Friday’s we ate lunch in last Wednesday.

Apparently, the waitress, who was actually named Madonna, got stiffed by her last customers.

So the guy who seated us actually asked me that. I said, ” Heck yeah. He’s rich and I’m well off. “ What the heck do you say at a time like that ?

Madonna came by to take our drink orders, so I tried to stir up a little conversation by say, ” I’ve got all of your CD’s ! “

She said, in a flat, dry monotone, ” I don’t have any of my CD’s.”

My half-a-club and French onion soup was fine, the service was fine and Madonna seemed competent enough, but the words the host greeted us with seemed to leave a pall over the entire lunch.

My partner paid for lunch and left the tip. He didn’t do her any big favors.

My question for you guys is this;

What the heck do you say to a host like that and would you have left a big-o-wad ?

EDIT - Jeffrey Eisenberg pointed out this great article about tips, which I think you should read, so I’m giving you the chance to read it and prosper.

In my offline world career, I represent multiple manufacturers. Frequently, I call in for samples to take to architects, developers and contractors.

Yesterday, I left a message around 4:30 with a plant manager, asking him to send me two samples. I left my cellphone number, in case he had any questions.

He didn’t have a question, but he did call. I wish he hadn’t called.

He called me, after I’d called him, to tell me to fax the sample request in, so he’d have a record of the request.

No, really, he did that. Really.

He turned one call and a shipment into 3 calls, because, he said, that’s the way we do things.

I absolutely hate that phrase - because that’s the way we do things.

I asked him a simple, that’s how I am, question:

” Dave, couldn’t you have taken a piece of paper, which my fax is gonna be, written down who I was, the time I called and the two samples I asked for and saved 2 calls and a fax ? Wouldn’t your paper look just like my fax ? “

” That’s not the way we do things “, is all I got back.

So I have to come in off my trip thru the bush in Africa and send a fax or I have to call someone in one of our 17 locations and have them drop what they’re doing and send a fax, all because they want to do things poorly, stupidly, blindly, ignorantly …. or, I just thought of this, I could use one of the other 24 manufacturers who won’t make me act in a stupid manner !

Maybe if Dave calls, in a month or two, and wonders where that fax is or why I haven’t placed any orders since then, I can tell him -

” That’s not the way I do things. “

In a kind of Seth Godin-ish post today, I’ll use a one-word title, a photo and a semi-rant to try and help some poor soul learn from another poor soul’s mistakes.

I’m on a semi-vacation for the next 10-12 days, using up some time I’ve accrued in my offline career.

I thought I’d do some good deeds, along with some catching up yesterday and today, to ease my body and mind into semi-nothingness, as it’s accustomed to going all-out every day.

I took one of our vehicles in for an oil change and then for a tire rotation and balance yesterday. While I was there, I made a 10 AM appointment to get the AC checked, as it was nowhere near as cool as I expected it to be.

I arrived at 10 AM, dropped off the keys and caught a ride back to the command center. I told them to call me when they had the problem diagnosed.

After a quick lunch with two of my favorite girls, I drove one of out other vehicles over there at just after 12 noon, to see what was taking so long to diagnose the problem.

The vehicle had not been moved out of the spot where I had parked it.

I went inside and inquired about the situation and was told one of the mechanics had not shown up for work this morning and they were “way behind”.

Really ? Then why didn’t you tell me that at 10 AM when I dropped it off ? Then my expectations would have been lower, or I could have rescheduled, or I could have weighed my options.

But when you don’t communicate, my expectations remain high, like they were yesterday when you quickly did the work we contracted and I quickly paid you what you asked, no qualms, no quibbles, no whining.

But today, when you can’t perform, it’s not me whining, it’s you.

You could have alleviated some of the pain, by telling some of the customers about your problems and maybe they would have understood and came back later, since some of their problems were not things that had to be done right freakin’ then.

But you didn’t even attempt to communicate with me at 10 AM, well after the mechanic didn’t show up. And you left me wondering for over 2 hours after my appointment, even though you had my cellphone number, home number and work number.

Bad choices.

I’m making a good choice. I’m going somewhere else for my next $500 set of tires…or three…or five, since I have so many girls who depend on me to do their dirty work.

You just un-exceeded my expectations for the last time and the 3,4 or 5 vehicles I care for will never bother you or burden your staff again.

Bye.

He took over a white elephant, an albatross and a dud.

A giant hotel in New York City that had been built at the wrong time and was the hotel industry’s biggest disappointment.

He was young. He hadn’t done anything to make the receivers think he could perform a miracle, but he was all they had. In actuality, things could hardly get worse.

The hotel is The New Yorker, the time was long ago and the man was Ralph Hitz.

He used one simple secret, one technique, to turn this elephant into a towering success.

Hitz’s one simple technique was contact.

No matter which way a guest turned, someone was in contact with them.

Bellhops called them by name.

Linen girls smiled at them.

Elevator pilots called their names.

Managers, assistants and clerks all asked about their stays, their homes, their families, etc.

Guests were so flattered by all this attention, in the nations biggest city, that they dared not ever stay anywhere else.

Then, the guests did something they’d never done before, they went home and told all their friends. They became evangelists for Hitz and his hotel.

Their friends came to The New Yorker and got the same treatment. They went home and told their friends.

Not long after, The New Yorker was the largest and most profitable hotel in the world.

Someone asked Ralph Hitz how he’d engineered the turnaround. How he created this evangelism among his guests.

Simply, bluntly, he said: ” We contact the hell out of them. “

Great salespeople do the same thing with their clients. They contact the hell out of them.

The very best out there are always looking for a reason to call a customer, besides when they ask for an order.

Many years ago, I learned to call them 2, 3, 5 times with news, tips, nuggets of gossip, leads, etc., versus the number of times I inquired about a possible order.

This technique will never go out of style, will never fail to work and will always pay dividends because it’s based on a prime tenet of human nature - that people always want to feel important, crave attention and want special favors.

For the last several days, I’ve been going back and forth with a reader who says she’s an operations manager for a bank and has 10 branches reporting to her.

I feel like she was looking for someone to write a new book and base it on the religion she wanted to start.

You know the kind: ” Here’s my opinion, find some data to back me up. We’re going to do it like this, because we want to, not because the data suggests that the customers want it. “

I’m not a koolaid drinker, nor do I blow smoke up people’s asses very well, I just tell the truth, sell the product and move on.

It’s really that simple and you know I like simple.

But I’ve been wrong before and maybe I am again. I feel like this method assumes that “everyone” is their customer.

When I walk in a bank, all I want to do is accomplish my task, be it deposit, withdrawal, etc.

If I want to talk to anyone about further services, I’ll make an appointment and talk to their expert, not a teller, who could have started just yesterday.

I don’t like being treated like a captive and have them hold my receipt or cash while I listen to a spiel that I didn’t ask for, while the other customers in line grumble about it taking so long.

The questions of the day are below. I need your honest opinion and any suggestions, so the next time I have to deal with a banker, I’ll be able to point them towards this post and not have to find data to back up their desires.

1) Do you believe a bank is an institution or a business ?

2) Do you feel comfortable waiting in line behind another customer while a teller tries to sell them more services ?

3) Do you think this method of marketing their services will be effective ?

4) Do you trust bank tellers to give you solid financial advice ?

5) Do you go into your bank to perform a service or to be sold new products ?

Please add any comments, answers or thoughts below and I’d really appreciate your taking time to answer.

As much as I hate it, I have to agree with Tony Stewart, who happens to agree with my previous rant about NASCAR treating it’s fans like they’re stupid.

Tuesday night on his Sirius Radio show Tony said arguably the same thing I had said a few days earlier.

Here’s some of the quotes from Tony Stewart:

” It’s like playing God, ” he said on his Sirius Satellite Radio program. ” They can almost dictate the race instead of the drivers doing it. It’s happened too many times this year. “

About NASCAR and their propensity to throw a caution flag if one car gets too far ahead of the field, Tony said:

” I guess NASCAR thinks, ‘Hey, wrestling worked, and it was for the most part staged, so I guess it’s going to work in racing, too, ” he said.

” I can’t understand how long the fans are going to let NASCAR treat them like they’re stupid before the fans finally turn on NASCAR. I don’t know that they’ve run a fair race all year. “

He said a lot more and ESPN has a great review of the situation, so I’ll link you to their article.

They’ll soon suffer for treating their fans like their stupid.

Don’t make the same mistake in your own business.

Tomorrow we’ll go back to our regularly scheduled programming !

I’m over at the NYTimes reading the Sunday Edition like I do every Sunday and I see an article that basically says NASCAR’s attendance is down 14% 6 races into the season.The International Speedway Corp., who own 12 of the 22 tracks that NASCAR uses, which would lead you to believe that it’s WAY BEYOND a good ol’ boy thang, is down 19% revenue wise.

Here’s the sad part - neither of them know why it’s happening.

Let me be the loudest to tell ‘em.

You forgot who you were. Simple.

You tried to go Hollywood and Rodeo Drive. They may dress better, but they won’t pay your bills.

They don’t wear #20 T-shirts to church like we do.

They don’t get married in #24 T-shirts.

They don’t have a different #8 shirt for every day of the week.

Redneck’s have paid the bills for decades. Been there, bought the T-shirt and wore it to church. Every Sunday. And to wedding #3. And on the honeymoon.

Then they started to kill off races in places where there’d been races since the day they started, see Darlington, SC. and Labor Day.

They went together like redneck’s and NASCAR. Or used to.

Then they started to make the cars all look the same. See Car of Tomorrow. Too bad there won’t be any tomorrow’s if they don’t forget this Orwellianism.

You may say it’s for the safety of the drivers, and it may well be, but when the Ford’s look like the Chevy’s, which look like the Dodge’s which now look like the Toyota’s, you got a problem.

It doesn’t help matters any that the Toyota is the only one of those built on American soil.

By the way, I drive a Kentucky-built Camry. I live in Owensboro, Kentucky and love driving a car built by my brethren, some of whom are rednecks like me.

The Ford, Chevrolet and Dodge supporters can’t say that, unless they live on foreign soil… like Mexico or Canada.

Owensboro, Kentucky is the boyhood home to the Waltrip’s, the Green’s and Jeremy Mayfield, just in case you were wondering if I was an official NASCAR-watchin’ redneck or a faux-redneck.

For 50+ years, the manufacturer’s products looked different.

People were, and still could be, polarized around “their” cars.

Polarized people spend money.

I’m 44 years old and I was rootin’ against King Richard Petty and for David Pearson way back yonder in 1969, even as a 6 year old.

Hell, I’m a redneck. It’s what we do.

For all of those years, I kept up with NASCAR’s comin’s and goin’s.

I have not watched a race this year. May not.

It doesn’t appeal to me anymore, because there’s no polarization for or against a manufacturer.

They all look alike.

Even the tracks are all owned, or damned near it, by the same folks.

They all look the same.

NASCAR’s all about NASCAR and how they can fill their pockets.

They forgot who paid the bills. Polarized, screamin’ rednecks.

Also, you guys play too loose and easy with the rules, which you make up as needed, during a race.

Somebody way out front and lapping the field ? Throw a caution for something like “debris on the track”, and let everybody catch up, change tires and make adjustments.

Throw a caution with 10-15 laps to go, so we can have a close finish and make the people want to come back.

Do you think we don’t know you do that on purpose ? OMG ! We may be redneck’s, but even we ain’t that damn stupid and we’re tired of being treated like we’re that dumb.

If a driver or crew chief happens to call you out and speak the truth, haul him into the NASCAR “woodshed” and let him know that truth and honesty make work for Superman, but is frowned upon in “your” sport, which you privately own and run as you see fit.

I could go on and on with the Why’s and How Come’s, but you aren’t going to listen anyway.

It’s your game, you make the rules and always win.

Here’s your problem in a nutshell.

You tried to stray away from the redneck’s and now the redneck’s are staying away from you.

Me and thousands of other are voting with our feet and our wallets.

Simple.

Thanks to the NYTimes for the inspiration and to Steve Helber and the AP for the photo.

If you have an opinion about this topic, send it to me and I’ll publish it.